“Isn’t it odd how much fatter a book gets when you’ve read it several times? As if something were left between the pages every time you read it. Feelings, thoughts, sounds, smells…and then, when you look at the book again many years later, you find yourself there, too, a slightly younger self, slightly different, as if the book had preserved you like a pressed flower…both strange and familiar.”
Men be like “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate” like no, Shut up. You are the Devil
This post Has Influenced Me Beyond Reason.. Yesterday a man said to me “well, to be devil’s advocate-” and I said “there’s no ‘advocate’, men are the devil and when you speak its with his tongue” and he stared at me until be both awkwardly laughed bc i momentarily was haunted by a Victorian feminist ghost
sci-fi jobs that must exist that i find inexplicably amusing:
space customs
tow trucks except they’re towing illegally parked spaceships
for that matter, spaceship thieves, if only for how much more effort i imagine that would take
irs agents who have to find tax evaders who went 2 or 3 galaxies over
literally everything about the concept of the space version of the dmv
imagine being the person who teaches hapless 16 year olds how to fly a spaceship
people who analyze Old Earth media for a living the same way people now analyze shakespeare or beowulf, aka a bunch of scholarly and serious academics writing papers arguing the true meaning of Mean Girls and Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and A Very Potter Musical
cruise spaceships. you’re taking a slow tour of saturn’s rings and people are still complaining about you running out of cocktail sauce
feel free to add more
Space cartographer. Some poor sucker’s gotta literally count the stars in order to chart ‘em. Did you think computers made the maps??
Gas station attendant, but in space. You thought earth truck stops were liminal? Try pausing to refuel on an asteroid hurtling though the middle of inky-black nowhere. You’d see some interesting folks pass through, though
Imagine working at a space hotel, for that matter
Traveling Salesman
op, back again, with more
IT workers who deal with tech that can communicate across the multiverse, rearrange people’s molecules, and communicate with ancient eldritch gods…….and 9 out of 10 problems can still be fixed with “read the instruction manual” or “did you turn it off and back on again”
let’s players. people’s love of video games and screaming profanity at said video games transcends galaxy and species lines
the post office. bravest people in ‘verse. though they did have to change their creed. it’s now: “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor black holes nor meteor showers nor solar flares stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds…”
also, food delivery peeps. all the above danger + dealing with more drunk aliens.
SPACE UBER
tourist traps. “welcome to the galaxy’s biggest ball of yarn. yes, it’s this one, not the one on mars. the martians are filthy liars and they’ve always been jealous of our superior attraction.”
science museum tour guides. the museums have gotten…….very big. it’s a very exhausting job, but it’s so worth it when the field trips full of kids from various galaxies get all excited
what’s the betting that potterwatch was just a radio project lee jordan was doing in his spare time and never actually stopped after the war
“Harry Potter was spotted at the local farmers market today, good choices in produce Harry! Gotta love the organics”
he’s the only reporter harry will talk to other than giving official statements when he has to as an auror
“I’m speaking to Harry Potter today after the long-awaited conclusion of the trial of quadruple murderer Waldorfus Grenoble. Harry, may I ask you a question regarding the trial?”
“Sure, Lee, I have to be back at work in ten but give it a go.”
“What is in the curry you had for lunch yesterday during the recess? It smelled fantastic and I have to know.”
“Thanks for asking, Lee. I’ve recently come across a book of my great-grandmother Priyanka’s notes on her Punjabi cooking and I’ve been trying to recreate her food. I liked that one but Ginny said it was too sweet so I’m making adjustments.”
“Fantastic. Great stuff. Next up we have an update on You-Know-Who’s whereabouts. Not Voldemort obviously– he’s six feet under, it’s been around 2500 days now and he’s still going strong, no sign of him being not dead any time soon.”
“You’re correct, Lee, he’s dead as a doornail and he’s going to stay that way. You do realize you don’t need to refer to your infant daughter as ‘You-Know-Who,’ right?”
“Sophie starts screaming if either of her dads talks about her and we don’t know why. Any suggestions, and any idea where she is now?”
“Oliver was walking her up and down the hallway outside the World Cup Regulatory Office last I saw her. As for the screaming, with James we gave him the miniature dragon from the Triwizard in ‘94 and that entertained him pretty well.”
“You heard it here first folks, Harry Potter thinks dragons are an appropriate substitute for pacifiers! Thanks for your time, Harry.”
“Any time, Lee.”
“Next week’s password is anything that will make our six-month-old go to sleep for longer than four hours. Signing off, this has been Potterwatch with River and the man himself, Harry Potter.”
I finally found this glorious post
I really love how the Potter fandom writes material that is frequently miles better than Rowling’s actual text
They’re only about 1.2 million away, and a couple of weeks ago they were 4 million away. There’s a good chance that with a bit of noise made about this, they could rally for that home stretch. This would be a good time to tell your family, friends, co-workers about the project, as there are many people interested in donating to charities at this time of the year. Once you choose a donation amount, you can also select that it is a gift for someone else, if you’re interested in gift ideas.
If nothing else, please help pass on the news here!
